Class Notes, Part 3

I am seriously considering skipping class today. There are many factors to this possibility: I am not feeling well, I'm fucking exhausted, it's cold and rainy outside, and the Yale Daily News' joke issue is today. I drag my ass out of bed and convince myself that I have to go to my 10:30 class because I need to ask my TA if I can miss section later this month to go home for the weekend. So I get up, get breakfast, and make it to class like ten minutes early (this only happens on days I don't want to go to class, somehow-days when I'm wide awake always involve me being late to class). My TA isn't here. What the fuck. Well fine I'm here already and there are only like ten people in this class so I can't leave. Let's talk about Women and the New Republic. Not Banana Republic, not OneRepublic, but the New Republic. I initially misspelled banana. Damn. Okay so there's a woman feeding wine to a bald eagle in this picture. It's like college, but patriotic! I just sneezed. No one said a damn thing. Rude. My professor looks nice today, she's wearing a gray tweed skirt and a scoop neck black top. MUCH better than her radioactive shirt (I initially wrote “shit” unintentionally, and that would have worked as well). Okay pay attention, T.

Women have to play a role in the family. Well, duh. Honestly give me about a week to do research and some time with Google Images and I could teach this fucking class. Apparently one of the nice things about the New Republic is that men let women learn about politics. How kind. Also we skipped talking about the Revolutionary War for some reason, which sucks because it's the last war before 1900 in which the sides were pretty clear cut and you can root for a clear winner. (I think the Civil War has some messy parts, it wasn't just about slavery, okay?)

New Jersey writes up a law referring to voters as “he/she” and guaranteed the right to vote to every single woman, black or white, as long as she was a citizen. In the 1800's. All the single ladies! (All the single ladies...) So this one asshole lost an election and said it was because of this law, so he started a campaign to take back the night! Or the vote. Whatever. So he reasons that single women are more likely to vote for their own personal interests as opposed to the interests of others. Right, because men are thinking about everyone else when they vote. And so, my friends, New Jersey became the state it is today, with the clever nickname, “The Asshole of America.” Married women weren't allowed to vote because the men who decided this were under the illusion that they had any control whatsoever over what their wives did or thought, and they believed that they would just tell their wives how to vote and make redundant votes.

Abigail Adams was a fucking boss. I don't know why she and Washington didn't get together and have the most epic sex of all time, and produce an heir to the throne of the universe. Unfortunately her husband didn't take her seriously and told everyone she was a lesbian because he was afraid of her. Okay, we don't actually have any proof of that but that's what guys do so I'm sure he did it. This guy named Tapping Reeve (I'm not even kidding, his name is Tapping Reeve) makes sure that women can't be employed on their own because men are entitled by law to have women be their slaves. A husband might be deprived of the company of his wife if she got a job. Trust me, Tapping. Everyone would win in this situation. Women got their space and men got to have sex with their mistresses in the middle of the day in their houses in peace. He also said that women should have a dove-like temper, and that masculine airs were frightening. Jesus, Tapping, think about this shit for a second. You don't want women to be independent or outspoken, you'd rather they flap around, cooing and shitting everywhere? That's what you want in a woman? I mean, to each his own, but don't force it on anyone else...

Now a picture of a woman with her two children. She has black hair and they have blonde hair. They're little boys, and in the frilliest dresses possible. There's so much wrong with this picture, the least of which is not how high this woman's hairline is (you could land a fucking airplane on this lady's forehead, forrealzzzz). Also these little boys have mullets. SO WRONG.

Checked Facebook for a second, apparently there's this new thing where you can make your profile picture pink-toned for breast cancer awareness. Here's the thing: we've all heard of breast cancer. I'm all for selling Save the Ta-tas shirts, or having fundraisers. But turning shit pink just to “raise awareness” is a waste of time, and people won't look at your Facebook because it looks like your camera puked Pepto-Bismol all over your indie profile picture. We've heard of breast cancer, so unless your effort actually raises money it's kind of useless. Get off your ass and donate some money, you lazy douchebag.

Okay back to women. A girl raises her hand and asks a question, she's obviously a guest and not someone actually in this class, because she's really pretty and well groomed. Not that all feminists are unattractive or unwashed (yours truly is a shining example), but this class is filled to the brim with cliches. They are a motley crew. I spend my time in section watching them and fantasizing about how much I could do for them with just a couple of hours and some product...

All right now here's something I've noticed: every time someone asks a question in this class, which is usually just me, the professor answers it, then makes you feel like a dick by saying “that was going to be my next point, actually” or “yeah I'm actually getting to that later in this class” and then goes on to make you feel worse by constantly pointing out that you had already mentioned something that she had not yet gotten to for the rest of the class. My pinkie is cramping. That wasn't related, it just is. Also I've gotten so bad at typing since last semester. I suck at spelling now, too. I don't know why this happened, I used to be so good at both. Am I already getting old and going senile? Fuck. I'm not even legally old enough to drink.

Now we have a picture of some slaves hoeing a field while their overseer smokes a pipe and stands on a stump looking smug. Apparently we're supposed to not know that slave women didn't have freedom. Well Professor, you teach me so much. Honestly this class would be better fit for high schoolers, it's really kind of insulting to our intelligence at times. Just looked at the clock for the first time, this method of taking notes makes things go so much faster, I love it. Black women could be mothers, but not Republican mothers. Still true today.

Oh saw more of the professor's skirt, not as cute as I thought...

These desks are so uncomfortable. Really, Yale. You've got billions of dollars in endowment and you can't make the desks in WLH even remotely comfortable? What the fuck. I'm yawning but trying desperately to do it surreptitiously. I have the Bed Intruder song stuck in my head. You know, the one where they autotuned that news story where that hood-ass guy rants about the rapist in the projects who tried to rape his sister. I am afraid to show this to my parents because they will think I'm a bad person for finding this amusing and having it on my iPod, but it's just so damn catchy. Autocorrect tried to correct “autotune” and I almost went back and put a space between the words but you know what, Autocorrect? Fuck you. Your ass needs to keep up with my generation.

There was a flurry of slave-freeing. People started cracking down on slave-freeing. Oh GOD she's wearing cowboy boots with her ugly skirt. And TIGHTS. This is not okay. Focus, T. Slaves. Slavesslavesslaves. They were slaves. And poor. I already know this. Some groups wanted to help them. I know this too. Elizabeth Freeman apparently looked like a man. Or this portrait painter was absolutely devoid of any talent. Seriously I could have painted this when I was five. I think about that a lot with modern art and abstract art-I could fucking do this. I could vomit onto a canvas and call it an abstract commentary on the social sphere and sell it for a couple thousand dollars. Well, if college doesn't work out...

Jesus why doesn't Apple make another color option for the MacBook? Really. I wanted to buy a Pro just so I didn't have to put up with constantly trying to keep the inside of my laptop clean looking. No matter what you do, it always looks disgusting. Ridiculous. Oh hey, time to go. Nice. See you Wednesday.