It's Okay To Be Okay.

I hate inspirational quotes.

Yeah, I said it. It’s not the quotes themselves, or even the speaker (most of the time) that draws my vitriol. It’s the feeling that we live in a world of constant, even aggressive inspiration. Upworthy videos inspire us to be more caring and to have more faith in our fellow man. Class speakers inspire us to be great people with lofty goals. Instagram inspires us to… go out and spend more money on pretty food or something. (I don’t really get Instagram.) Snapchat inspires us to be careful about all those nudes we’ve been sending out. You get the idea. But there’s a downside to all of this inspiration, these constant reminders of the whimsicality and endless possibilities created by the world around us: there’s a lot of freaking pressure for things to be great. And it’s exhausting.

                I think part of all of this relentless inspiration is driven by the feeling that the world is constantly disappointing and upsetting us. We now have approximately five million different ways to receive constant news updates, upsetting stories, and reminders from our families that we haven’t been home to see them in a while. We can’t shut off the constant onslaught of sadness and frustration that streams into our lives and onto our devices in real time. So it makes sense that the Pinterest style of inspiration for perfection is pushing its way into our lives just as aggressively. I’m not refuting that it’s helpful sometimes; it’s always good to be reminded that the world isn’t just a place where dreams are made and then horribly broken when your first paycheck comes in and it’s about 75% of what you need to live on. I’m just saying that I think it’s setting a standard that life has to be awe-inspiring, and if you aren’t constantly impressed or impressive, there’s something wrong with you.

                I had a conversation with my mom the other day, and she asked me if I was happy. I answered, “Well, that’s a complicated question!” She sat for a second in silence and said, “No it’s not. Things are either good or they aren’t.” The more she talked, the higher her voice rose in alarm, and I started feeling trapped. “I mean, really it’s just frustration with my job and being pretty broke, but hey! Who isn’t broke at my age? I have a wonderful partner, and a beautiful apartment, and…” My furious backpedaling to convince her that there is beauty in my world and that, come to think of it, things are great, was exhausting. Because they’re not. They’re…okay.

                “Okay” means, at least to me, that things are generally balanced between good and bad. I have a wonderful partner! And it’s really tough to make friends right now. I have a beautiful apartment! And every time I pay rent I get a little depressed. But it’s so perfect for the price, because everything in Boston is incredibly expensive, so that’s great! But everything in Boston is incredibly expensive, and that sucks. But I have some really cute pet rats that I really like! But when I bring them up at work, people say terrible things about how gross they are and it makes me sad. But I have a job and co-workers who talk to me! But I don’t really like it or most of them.

I could go on. And chances are, so could you.

                When someone suffers a horrible tragedy, and someone close to the victim is asked, “How are they holding up?” there’s usually a sigh and “Well, she has her good days and her bad days.” Like that’s some serious affliction due to the aforementioned awfulness of whatever the tragedy was. But the thing is, we all have our good days and our bad days. Life isn’t inspirational most of the time. If it was, we’d never get anything done. And getting things done are good, and necessary for our general well-being. Everything is not going to work out at some magical point. Maybe we’ll never quite find our bliss, or maybe we won’t find it until we’re 60. Either way, we can't let ourselves feel shitty every time we remember that everything isn't perfect. If we live our lives thinking we’ll finally be happy when we get that dream job, or lose that weight, or fall in love, we will never, ever, ever, ever be happy. If we live our lives thinking that we can only be happy, and if we’re not then there’s something wrong, then we’ll never even be okay.

And being okay is really okay. I fully recognize that my mother will always want my life to be great 100% of the time, but honestly as long as I really do have lofty goals, a good support system, and good health, other things are workable. Yeah, my life’s current status doesn’t fit with some curly script on a blurred-out photo background like so many Facebook inspirational posts, but that’s fine. In fact, if everything was great and I was happy all the time, I think being happy would lose a lot of real meaning. We adjust so quickly to beauty and happiness, and the shine starts to fade fast-just think of your last trip to Disney, or the last time you played with a puppy. (Just kidding. Playing with puppies will forever be a gold standard of happiness.) The only time being okay is no longer acceptable is when not reaching your goals or taking the chances necessary to improve yourself is making you feel bad, in which case you can either (A) fix things however you see fit, or (B) stop feeling bad. It's not Pinterest's goal to make you feel good about yourself, and you need to figure out what you need to be satisfied. To really super ironically quote Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." 

Okay?