Baby, It's Cold Outside.

“I really can’t stay!” Noel protested, as her laughing friends pushed her through the door to the party.  “I’ve got to get away from all this Christmas dating craziness; you know yesterday I was at a party where a guy actually told me I looked like I’d been a naughty girl, so I should feel his lumps of coal? Lumps of coal, you guys. Who would that ever even work on, seriously?” She didn’t mention that later she’d briefly considered hooking up with him anyway, just to be sure she actually did still know how it all worked down there, given that she hadn’t been with anyone in, oh, a year or so.

Noel wasn’t a fan of the whole forced-dating rush of the holidays, when no one wanted to be stuck without someone to kiss under mistletoe (or, even worse, be forced to go home to their families again and listen to Grandma go on and on about how she wishes there was a baby in the house again, you know, before she dies which will be sooner than you think, you know), so they threw themselves into the nonstop holiday chaos, hoping to find someone who was passable to take home to their families. Noel was perfectly happy to have some quiet time at home, thank you very much, and she wasn’t going to let some drunk idiot in a Santa hat grope her in a closet just to make Nana happy for five minutes (because Nana always had something to gripe about, and at least the whole baby thing wasn’t racist like a lot of the other stuff she said….at least, until you got her going on international adoptions).

But Noel had promised her old high school friends that she would go to a party with them this year, before they all settled down and had kids and the fun, boozy Christmases of young adulthood became the harried, exhausted Christmases of parenthood, where you were awoken at 5am by shrieking, bouncing children on your bed, demanding to open their presents, since it is technically Christmas morning now and they’ve been up for hours. Noel had also promised to give the host of the party a chance, since her friend Ashley swore they’d hit it off (though she was the same friend who’d set Noel up with that truck driver who was really, really into Cabbage Patch Doll collecting, so her track record was spotty). Noel knew she had a reputation for coming off as a pain in the ass about guys, and that sometimes her cynicism about the whole dating thing came across as rude, so tonight, in the spirit of Christmas or whatever, she would try to reel it in.

The party, however, went exactly as she’d expected. A bunch of people she hadn’t really liked in high school stood around and talked about how great it had been (for them, anyway, since Noel had been in the Mathletes, and no one who was in the Mathletes ever intentionally thought about high school after it was over). The guys got too drunk and made super witty comments like “Damn, Noel, if I’d known you were going to grow into your boobs like this, I might have actually gone through with that 7 Minutes in Heaven with you at Jared’s party!” The girls complained about how many calories were in eggnog (to be fair, there are a lot of calories in eggnog), and talked about what a blessing in disguise their teen pregnancies had been. Okay, you’re being bitchy, Noel chided herself. Some of these people are really nice. The host, for example, actually seemed like a normal, maybe-kind-of-interesting person, though this was all speculation. He hadn’t actually talked to her yet.

The party started winding down, and Noel breathed a sigh of relief. Now she could stop pretending to give a damn about these people and this party, and go home. Just as she was getting ready to grab her coat and try to talk Ashley into giving her a ride home (she’d had too much eggnog, calories be damned), the host of the party turned her way and gave her a smile. I guess I can stay a few more minutes, at least out of that politeness I promised, she thought as he headed towards her. A little more small talk, with the guy who had hosted the party she’d kind of crashed since she didn’t actually know him, wouldn’t kill her.

A few minutes turned into half an hour of conversation that started out promising, but sadly dwindled, and by the time Noel realized this guy wasn’t really her type (though he was clearly very, very interested in her) and looked up from their conversation, she saw that the party had cleared out. Including Ashley, who must have left without interrupting their conversation in a misguided attempt to help get Noel laid. This all put her in the very difficult situation of either having to grit her teeth and sleep over so she wouldn’t have to try to walk home, or walking three miles in the driving snow (because of course there was driving snow out now), in slippery satin shoes that hurt like hell but made her legs look awesome. They’re not gonna look awesome covered in ice, you moron, she scolded herself.

“This evening has been so nice,” she lied to the host, who said his name was Melchior, but she was trying very hard to call him “The Host” because Melchior was a really stupid name, and she was afraid to start laughing out loud if she said it in her head. “My mom is probably wondering where I am, you know her picture is actually in the dictionary next to the “Helicopter Mom” entry, so my being 25 has no bearing on her stress level when I’m out.” A flicker of disappointment went over his face before Melchior leaned in earnestly and said, “Oh you don’t have to go out there, baby, it’s so cold outside! Stay here tonight. I’ll take good care of you.” Eww, he’s one of those guys who calls you “baby” at the slightest hint that you might be interested in him. I am definitely walking home, Noel thought to herself, trying to think of the nicest way to turn him down. “But, you know, my dad is also probably up, you know he can never sleep when my mom is up. I should really get moving.” As he continued to protest, Noel peered out into the rapidly falling snow. Shit. It’s snowing a lot harder than I thought it was. Maybe I can ask him for a coat? But I can’t just shut him down, then ask him to give me a coat.  She sighed in resignation. “Though I guess I can stay for half a drink more, to give the snow a chance to settle?” The joy that lit up his eyes made her feel bad for her plan to eventually use him for a nice, warm coat, but at least he didn’t seem offended at the idea of her leaving.

Melchior poured her a drink while she frantically cast her eyes around the room to find a conversation piece to get them through another few minutes of banter. She cleared her throat, “So I see you’re a Stephen King fan! I feel like it’s sort of unfortunate how his career has gone so downhill lately; I really can’t think of a single truly great book he’s written in over a decade.” He set her glass down with a soft clink and sat way too close to her on the couch. “I couldn’t agree more,” he said, staring into her eyes with way too much intensity. “He wrote some absolute classics early on, but lately it doesn’t seem like anything quite measures up.” Okay this is good, we can talk about this while I finish this drink…which I guess I should start drinking now, as fast as I can without looking like I’m trying to get it over with. Noel reached for her glass, noticing that Melchior hadn’t poured one for himself. Great, now my attempt to be nice makes me look like a total alcoholic, she thought, as she took a sip-that-was-more-of-a-gulp. At least I’ll feel warmer on my way home. Though the drink tasted a little strange (the eggnog was long gone so he’d made something new) felt good to have something to do with her hands, since she was starting to get nervous about getting this poor guy’s hopes up so she could borrow his coat and flee. “Wow, what’s in this drink?” she asked, hoping her question sounded teasing instead of bitchy. “I don’t think I’ve ever had one of these before.” Melchior’s eyes twinkled. “Oh, I bet you haven’t! It’s a special recipe that I created myself. I…I’m kind of an amateur bartender,” he said, his eyes downcast in embarrassment. “I like getting creative.” Aw, that’s kind of cute, Noel thought, as she started to relax a little and took another sip. He’s a nice guy; I’m sure the coat thing will go fine.

Finally, as she finished her drink and the strained conversation faded to awkward silence, Noel was ready to go. “All right, I really can’t stay,” she said, standing up. “But baby, it’s so cold outside! And look at the snow. There’s no way I can let you walk home like this.” Oh God, the “baby” thing again. What kind of girl finds that anything other than desperate? Noel thought, getting a little annoyed. I really want to get out of here. “Yeah it does look pretty bad out there; do you think maybe you could lend me a coat?” she asked, caring less about offending him than not freezing on that walk home. “But your hands are like ice!” he exclaimed, grabbing them before she had a chance to lean away. “Mind if I move in closer and keep you warm all night instead?” Okay, that’s it. “Yeah, no,” Noel said, finally over being nice. “I’m going home now, coat or no coat.” She took a step towards the door, then stopped. All of a sudden she was feeling a little confused. God, how drunk ARE you right now? She started feeling a tiny flash of panic at the idea of not being capable of walking home. She took another step, and then stumbled. “I told you,” Melchior said, calmly walking over to her and offering her a hand. “I’m not letting you go out there. It’s too cold outside, baby. You’re not going anywhere.”

Noel pushed his hand away and tried to stand up. Understanding washed over her, followed closely by very intense fear. “Did…did you put something in my drink?” she slurred, swaying on her feet. Melchior kept talking, ignoring her rising panic. “It’s up to your knees out there! Imagine my lifelong sorrow if you caught pneumonia and died! I’d never forgive myself.” He stopped and looked her in the eyes, and even in her foggy brain, she registered something there that stopped her heart for a beat. Something…off. Manic. “What’s the sense in hurting my pride? I hosted you even though you weren’t invited, spent time with you, and now I want to take care of you.” His eyes hardened. “What kind of ungrateful bitch wouldn’t feel like she owed me for all that?” Now nearly completely paralyzed by the drug in her system, Noel realized, far too late, what an absolutely hopeless situation she was in.

Got…to…move… She tried moving her legs, but they collapsed beneath her and she fell in a heap. Silent tears slid down her face as she tried frantically to figure out a way, any way, to escape. As she scanned the room, her line of vision shadowed by Melchior standing over her, leaning towards her, her eyes fell on her empty glass. The glass that had betrayed her, sitting silently on the table in front of where she’d fallen. The glass that was heavy and thick, with a square bottom that had kind-of-sharp corners. She started inching towards it, her body heavy and sluggish. Sweat slid down her face and into her eyes, and she felt her heart pounding, though it was slowing as the drug continued to take hold. Melchior squatted next to her and continued, not noticing her movement, “Now let’s sit by the fire and…” He stopped suddenly, blinking blood out of his eyes. Shards of glass were stuck to his face, in his hair. With the last of her strength, Noel pushed him and he fell onto the floor, stunned, the shards going deeper into his face as he landed on his stomach. She didn’t wait around to see if he’d get up, but started crawling towards the door, nails frantically scrabbling on the hardwood as she pulled her useless body over the threshold. Sharp daggers of cold immediately hit her face, but it was numbing quickly, her vision turning black around the edges. Damn, she thought, as the world around her swayed and finally faded to nothing. It really is cold outside.